Comparing Programming Languages in real life

프로그래밍 언어를 여성에 비유한 목록들이다.
원문은 여기.
자칫 여성 비하적인 표현이 있을 수 있으니 주의요망.
영문 원본과 날림번역본을 병기하겠다.
* 번역중
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프로그래밍 언어는 당신에게 맞는 언어를 집어낼 만큼 충분히 알기에는 너무 많다. 반면에 대부분의 남성들은 어떤 여성들이 매력적으로 보이는지 알고있다. 그래서 프로그래밍 언어들이 어떠한 여성인지 묘사하는 것으로서 대중적인 프로그래밍 언어들에 대한 간단한 가이드를 만들어 보았다.
There are so many programming languages available that it can be very difficult to get to know them all well enough to pick the right one for you. On the other hand most men know what kind of woman appeals to them. So here is a handy guide for many of the popular programming languages that describes what kind of women they would be if programming languages were women.

1. Assembler
세계기록 보유자인 여성 육상 선수이다. 그녀는 무뚝뚝하고 거칠어서 받아들이기가 쉽지 않다. 그녀는 그 어떤 요리도 만들 수 있지만, 완전하고 상세한 레시피가 필요하다. 아름답거나 교육받지는 않아서 퉁명스럽게 "MOV, JUMP, INC"같이 말한다. 성격이 지랄맞아서 최후의 경우에 선택한다.
A female track star who holds all the world speed records. She is hard and bumpy, and so is not that pleasant to embrace. She can cook up any meal, but needs a complete and detailed recipe. She is not beautiful or educated, and speaks in monosyllables like "MOV, JUMP, INC". She has a fierce and violent temper that make her the choice of last resort.

2. FORTRAN
반백의 노부인이다. 사람들은 그녀가 늙었다는 이유로 놀려대지만, 그녀의 말을 주의깊게 들어본다면, 당신을 그녀의 경험과 실수로부터 많은 것을 배울 수 있다. 그녀는 일생동안 재봉과 요리(subroutine libraries)
Your grey-haired grandmother. People make fun of her just because she is old, but if you take the time to listen, you can learn from her experiences and her mistakes. During her lifetime she has acquired many useful skills in sewing and cooking (subroutine libraries) that no younger women can match, so be thankful she is still around. She has a notoriously bad temper and when angered will start yelling and throwing dishes. It was mostly her bad temper that made grand dad search for another wife.

3. COBOL
통통한 비서. 그녀는 말이 많지만, 대부분 무시해도 된다. 열심히, 오랜시간 일하지만 정말로 복잡한 일은 처리하지 못한다. 그녀는 단순하고 예측불가능한 성격이어서 아무도 진정으로 그녀와 일하는 것을 좋아하지 않는다. 그녀는 대가족을 위한 음식은 만들 수 있지만 담백한 레시피밖에 모른다.
A plump secretary. She talks far too much, and most of what she says can be ignored. She works hard and long hours, but can't handle really complicated jobs. She has a short and unpredictable temper, so no one really likes working with her. She can cook meals for a huge family, but only knows bland recipes.

4. BASIC
옆집에 사는 야한 이혼녀. 그녀의 특기는 어린 남자애들을 유혹하는 것이다. 이것이 그들에게는 그녀를 언제나 손쉬운 상대로 보이게 한다. 그녀는 아이들에게 많은 놀라운 것들을 가르치고, 그것이 그 아이들의 첫경험이기 때문에 놀라워보일 수 밖에 없다. 그녀는 젊지는 않지만, 그래서 남자애들은 그녀를 첫사랑으로 애정을 담아 기억한다. 그녀의 요리와 재봉기술은 평이하지만, 상관없다. 그저 아이들이 좋아하는 장난일 뿐이다. Mrs. BASIC에 대한 어른들의 의견은 다양하다. 놀랍게도, 몇몇 아버지들은 그들의 아들에게 이 부도덕한 여인을 소개해준다고 한다! 그러나 보통 더 도덕적인 어른들은 Miss Pascal과 같은 품행이 바른 여인을 소개해 주는 것으로 나쁜 영향을 받은 젊은이들을 선도하려 한다.
The horny divorcee that lives next door. Her specialty is seducing young boys and it seems she is always readily available for them. She teaches them many amazing things, or at least they seem amazing because it is their) first experience. She is not that young herself, but because she was their first lover the boys always remember her fondly. Her cooking and sewing skills are mediocre, but largely irrelevant, it's the frolicking that the boys like. The opinion that adults have of Mrs. BASIC is varied. Shockingly, some fathers actually introduce their own sons to this immoral woman! But generally the more righteous adults try to correct the badly influenced young men by introducing them to well behaved women like Miss Pascal.

5. PL/I
매음굴의 포주다. 그녀는 실크 드레스를 입고, 다이아몬드로 장식하고, 모피를 걸치고 빨간 하이힐을 신는다. 한순간 그녀는 매우 유혹적으로 보였지만, 지금은 뚱뚱하고 초라해 보일 뿐이다. 취향은 변한다.
A bordello madam. She wears silk dresses, diamonds, furs and red high heels. At one time she seemed very attractive, but now she just seems overweight and tacky. Tastes change.

6. C
여성 중역. 조깅에 열광하고, 매우 건강하지만 그닥 수다스럽지는 않다. 자극적인 음식을 좋아한다면 그녀는 좋은 요리사이다. 당신이 말하는 모든 것을 두번씩 확인하지 않으면 (LINT를 통해서) 그녀는 사납게 돌변한다. 그녀의 딸인 C++은 여전히 상당히 어리고 툭하면 화를 내지만, 그녀는 유순하고 좀 더 사교적인 성격의 여성으로 자랄 것이다.
A lady executive. An avid jogger, very healthy, and not too talkative. Is an good cook if you like spicy food. Unless you double check everything you say (through LINT) you can unleash her fierce temper. Her daughter C++ is still quite young and prone to tantrums, but it seems that she will grow up into a fine young woman of milder temper and more sophisticated character.

7. ALGOL 60
당신 아버지의 전쟁때 애인이다. 귀엽고, 균형잡히고, 부드러운 성격이다. 그녀는 전쟁중에 신비하게 사라졌다. 하지만 당신 아버지는 여전히 그녀의 균형잡힌 몸매와 그들의 뜨거웠던 로맨스를 이야기하곤 한다. 그는 한번도 그녀의 요리를 충분히 맛보지 못했다.
Your father's wartime sweetheart, petite, well proportioned, and sweet tempered. She disappeared mysteriously during the war, but your dad still talks about her shapely form and their steamy romance. He never actually tasted much of her cooking.

8. Pascal
문법 교사이자, Algol 60의 여동생이다. 언니처럼 귀엽고 매력적이지만 매우 거만하다. 냄비(Module)를 하나 쓰는 요리라면 아주 잘 만든다.
A grammar school teacher, and Algol 60's younger sister. Like her sister she is petite and attractive, but very bossy. She is a good cook but only if the recipe requires no more than one pot (module).

9. Modula II
고등학교 선생이고, Pascal의 딸이다. 그녀의 어머니를 무척 닮았지만, 그녀는 여러 냄비로 요리를 하는 방법을 배웠다.
A high-school teacher and Pascal's daughter. Very much like her mother, but she has learned to cook with more than one pot.

10. ALGOL 68
Algol 60의 조카. 매우 사교적이고 잘 교육받았으며 쌀쌀하다. 소수의 남자들만 그녀가 말하는 것을 완전히 이해할 수 있고 그녀의 이전 애인들은 여전히 그녀의 신비한 개성에 대해서 이야기한다.
Algol 60's niece. A high-society woman, well educated and terse. Few men can fully understand her when she talks, and her former lovers still discuss her mysterious personality. She is very choosy about her romances and won't take just any man as her lover. She hasn't been seen lately, and rumor has it that she died in a fall from an ivory tower.

LISP - She is an aging beatnik, who lives in a rural commune with her hippie cousins SMALLTALK and FORTH. Many men (mostly college students) who have visited the farmhouse,-- enthusiastically praise the natural food, and perpetual love-ins that take place there. Others criticize the long cooking times, and the abnormal sexual postures (prefix and postfix). Although these women seldom have full-time jobs, when they do work, their employers praise them for their imagination, but usually not for their efficiency.

APL - A fancy caterer specializing in Greek food. She can cook delicious meals for rows and rows of tables with dozens of people at each table. She doesn't talk much, as that would just slow her work down. Few people can understand her recipes, since they are in a foreign language, and are all recorded in mirror writing.

LOGO - A grade-school art teacher. She is just the kind of teacher that you wish you had when you were young. She is shapely and patient, but not an interesting conversationalist. She can cook up delicious kiddie snacks, but not full-course meals.

LUCID & PROLOG - These clever teenagers show a new kind of cooking skill. They can cook-up fine meals without the use of recipes, working solely from a description of the desired meal (declarative cooking). Many men are fascinated by this and have already proposed marriage. Others complain that the girls work very slowly, and that often the description of the meal must be just as long as a recipe would be. It is hard to predict what these girls will be like when they are fully mature.

Ada - A WAC colonel built like an amazon. She is always setting strict rules, but if you follow them, she keeps her temper. She is quite talkative, always spouting army regulations, and using obscure military talk. You gotta love her though, because the army says so.


Java - Bulky with big boobs. Does everything you want but slowly. Hardly complains about how you want it in bed. The kind of woman who is not sexy, but gives you amazing satisfaction. You have tried several women, but this one doesn't get off your mind so you always go back to her.


PHP - Slick and slim lady. Very portable. Does nice and amazing things with her small body. Very good in aerobics. Not very sexy but intact. She is the kind of women that most men are happy to wed, though she will need a house maid because she is unable to carry heavy workload.


Ruby on Rails. The new girl in town. Everybody is talking about her. Very beautiful and sexy. Only daring men, because she is till new, have the guts to ask her out. She is modern and sophisticated. Already a lot of myth is surrounding her with regards to her ability. She is not talkative but looks rather very intelligent.


C# - The pimp from next door! She likes copying everything, from recipes to makeup to fashion. She is never original and likes to still other women's ideas, then go about shouting that the ideas are hers. Those who are not aware of her source of ideas think she is very intelligent. She is very talkative and showy. Sometimes she is very good at perfecting what she has copied.


Python - The all complete lady who is the envy of the town. She came up with a slick new way of dressing that made her a hit. Those who initially scoffed at her new dressing later fell head over heals for it. She is not talkative, but when she does a job, she does it very well.


Visual Basic (Popularly known as VB) - The little bitch from next door. Probably the most dumb girl in town. She never turns a man down and all the boys in the neighbourhood use her as a training ground as they learn the ropes to adulthood. She never practise safe sex and regularly infects the whole system with memory leaks. Popularly known as VB, she is so loose a lot of fathers have spanked their sons for dating her. However, it is amazing how popular she is. Most men curse themselves once they taste lips of mature and sweet women. A lot of men have struggled to maintain decent relationships with mature women after being spoiled by this little brat! She doesn't have a clue how to cook a complete decent meal without throwing up into the pot!